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It’s All Fun and Games Until You Lose

Yea it was pretty shocking when he brought home the one woman an entire family dreaded him spending forever with. Shocking to the fact that she was only supposed to be his best friend. She was only supposed to be around for the moment; a few seconds for them to say “hello,” dismiss and then spend the next few hours over glasses of Cabernet cracking jokes about. Who would’ve thought that one “Hello” would turn into accepting the fact that she’d now be an…… DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN!!!!! IN-LAW!

Often times, mothers believe they always know what’s best for their sons as do fathers with their daughters. Unfortunately neither person realizes that when their child meets that person whom they believe has or at some point will change their life, what they think and how they feel will cease to matter. For example, here you have a young man raised on the invisible, yet indirect verbally notated belief that a woman’s voice in her household is obsolete and irrelevant. Having been brought up in a militant home where his mother’s opinions are downplayed, and feelings are quieted with sarcastic “oks,” he’s unaware of what a headstrong woman looks like. Instead what he sees is women constantly being treated like shit by their men who are very great at paying bills, but absolutely suck at showing empathy and compromise to ensure a fair relationship/marriage. That same woman, who is his mother will try her hardest to assure him that a woman who is the complete opposite of her isn’t the best choice for him. She will try and make him believe that it is not a woman’s duty to speak her mind and stand up to him in the event that he’s actually done something wrong. She’ll refer to that woman as being “bullheaded,” “controlling,” “bossy,’ and anything else she can think of other than simply, strong. If he falls victim to that belief, it will potentially cause him to continue a cycle of overbearing, dictatorial, asshole like men who find courage and comfort in verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing their women. If he defies his mother, she calls him, “weak,” and “manipulated.” She can’t encourage him to embrace a woman who stands up for herself while still allowing him to perfectly manage his manhood because she’s never done it.

And then he marries her. Sure his family will smile, congratulate and send them best wishes, but when they turn their backs to go and reside in their new home, those women in his family will spend days, weeks and eventually the years to come persecuting him for having married that “crazy ass woman.” Oh, and don’t let them hit a hard bump in the road and need his family’s help. They’ll just rub it in his face every chance they get. For kicks, lets just say, he has to come home for a couple of months with his wife and babies until they’ve secured a better home. Everything is running smoothly and then his wife is backed into a corner forced to defend herself against that militant man and another broken, docile woman, this time being his sister. His wife has now been disrespectful because she, while speaking extremely aggressive and having a great deal of conviction behind her words, tells those in-laws of hers that they may not want to, but they will respect her. However she believes she respectfully says it, it gets misconstrued and now, that overbearing, dictatorial, asshole like man I spoke of before feels it is best that he kicks out that man’s wife and children. That mother of his believes this is justified because how dare that wife do what no other woman in that family has done; stand up to a man. Poor guy. Now he’s torn between his wife and his family who taught him that in the end, all he’ll have is them. But that wife, loving her husband beyond his imagination doesn’t give up on him. She still encourages him to appreciate the struggle of proving to his family that who he married is slowly but surely helping him break a vicious and dangerous cycle. Sure enough, they fall hard on better times.

And then the games get nasty. See weak women can never fully, if at all understand how women who are strong minded, yet sympathetically caring to their men can have successful relationships and marriages without feeling helpless and like doormats. Those type of women tend to devote their lives to trying to fuck up relationships that seem the least bit happier than theirs. So finally what these women in his family do is try to convince him that he deserves a woman who knows when to “shut up;” who knows when to take a loss and just let him be an asshole. They disguise that by saying, “Stop letting that woman manipulate you!” Then they try and convince his friends that she’s crazy, and eventually gets so pissed because he hasn’t left her yet and tells him that she’s “tearing his family apart.” Excuse me while I hysterically LOL! For years, they have tried to convince this poor guy that he is making huge mistakes by compromising with his wife, allowing her to have a voice in their household, along with him and considering her feelings. They berate him and try to fuck with his mind, insisting that he can’t be happy with a woman like her. And after they commit the ultimate betrayal, running he and his wife’s name and marriage through the dirt, not to mention completely disrespecting his wife and overall marriage for years, he finally cuts all communication with them. He realizes that in a marriage, it is a husband’s job to help his wife grow and in return, that wife will also assist in his growth. That way, together they only have to stand upon each other and they are the only two who can validate the sacredness in that marriage. He eventually completely leaves that nest and begins building his own tree, with which he and his wife will now create their own nest for their babies to eventually depart.

So you see, in the end, the mental games his family relentlessly tried to play were fought hard against and won by he and his wife. Sure, his family will still have negative things to say. They’ll still have their share of subliminal memes and statuses to post on facebook and instagram. But what they will sadly continue to fail to realize is that it will never amount to the strength and love he and his wife have in their hearts for each other, to go against the grain and come out on top. Talk about all being fair in love and war. Smooches.