1. Expecting him to know what you’re thinking. He never will.
Many times, women have so many thoughts running laps in their minds about their man, and they often assume he’s just going to automatically know what their thinking. We contemplate why he hasn’t called us, why he hasn’t come to see us, etc and then get mad when he asks that infamous question, “Why didn’t you just say anything?” To us, he is a mind reader. To him, we’re being childish. He has a point. It is childish to assume one knows what you are thinking. Remember that old saying, “closed mouths don’t get fed?” Unless you tell him what it is you want, why you’re upset, what he did wrong, etc he’s just going to assume, its “that time of the month,” like most men do. You have to speak up. When he asks you what’s wrong, TELL HIM. Do not beat around the bush. Do not sugar coat it. Be blunt and direct. There is no sense in stressing yourself out because he can’t figure out another one of your riddles. You will look like the crazy one. And you don’t want him calling you “crazy” right?
2. Waiting for him to do the dishes.
Yes, you are tired. You just had a long day at work. The kids are fed. The food is on the table waiting for him to eat. He devours it and then goes and sits in front of the nearest t.v. You assumed he’d be so nice as to let you relax while he cleans the dishes. WRONG. He will not voluntarily clean the dishes. Should you ask him to and he denies you, then yes, that warrants an attitude. The only thing men are thinking about after eating, is whats on t.v, what work he brought home probably needs to be done, sex and sleep. The last thing on his mind is wiping spaghetti sauce from a plate. Some may argue that all men are not like that. They are correct. But ask yourself ladies, how many men have you dated and/or married have willingly got up and did the dishes? Now if you complain about it enough that he’s not pulling his weight around the house as far as helping you clean it, he may help out a little. Understand that by no means is it ok for a man to think he doesn’t have to help you clean. But be careful with thinking he’s just going to do it.
3. Telling your friends all of your business.
STOP STOP STOP! Telling your girlfriends about that stupid thing he did, or how he pissed you off, or how you think he’s cheating is one of the worst things you can do to your relationship. It is not your Friend’s business to know every single detail about your relationship. They don’t need to know how great the sex is, how big it is, and how great he is with his mouth. It opens the door for curiosity. Every time you tell your girlfriend he made you mad, the first thing her probably single ass says is, “Fuck him. You don’t need him anyway.” (Insert long dramatic sigh) Sometimes its is your friends who are bringing you down and not him because when you end up forgiving him, they give you every reason, why you should have let him go. You then begin to second guess your decision and overall happiness in a relationship that probably seemed better when you weren’t telling your friends everything. They are going to take your side even when you’re wrong. That will be your downfall every single time. When too many people know your business, you leave room for so many spectators that you don’t even understand your own relationship anymore. You’ve given too many people the power to dictate what is a good and bad choice in your love life. Keep your business to yourself. If you have a problem with him, go to him. I guarantee you your thought process on how to deal with the situation will be better.
4. Pressuring him to marry you.
You’ll be single for a long time if you make your man feel like he has to marry you. He’ll do it when he’s ready. Just because you have kids with him does not mean he’s going to marry you. Don’t make him feel obligated to finalize your family with a ring. You end up miserable and so will he. This does not mean you should wait forever nor does it mean you can’t occasionally bring it up. But never ask him when is he going to marry you. His answer will always be, “I don’t know.” And its going to piss you off. He’s being honest. He really doesn’t know. Women generally say marriage and think of the wedding day. Men say marriage and think of the rest of his life being with only you. He has to think about that for a long time. Do not give him an ultimatum; “Either you marry me, or we have to break up.” He will most likely choose option two. No one, especially a man wants to be forced into a lifetime commitment. So be patient. And please, please, please, do not take a promise ring so seriously. You’ll be holding on to it for dear life. Cherish it, yes. But don’t think that just because he promised you that one day he’ll marry you, he will. Things change.
5. Challenging his manhood
You will lose every time. You may not lose verbally, but emotionally, you will. He doesn’t care that you think he’s lazy. He doesn’t care that you believe he should have a better job. If he’s working, appreciate the fact that you don’t have a man whose sitting at home playing Call Of Duty all day. It make not be thousands a month, but its something. Stop telling him he’s not doing enough financially because something is better than nothing. Encouraging him is different from attacking him. Explain to him that you believe he has so much potential and you just want to see him doing better for himself as well as his family. Let him have the last word sometimes. You are not always right! Don’t make him feel like he’s a child and he has to answer to you. He will eventually resent you and the relationship. Just because he doesn’t do something your way does not mean he made a bad decision. It just means he made a different decision. If it ended badly, accept it and help guide him into making a better decision. Don’t make him feel stupid. He’s not. Ladies, please stop saying, “A real man would do….” Or “Be a man!” That will not get your point across and he’s just going to shut you out and walk away. The goal is to work together, not make him feel like he has to do everything, just because he’s a man.
Take heed to these words if you desire a successful relationship. Am I 100% right? Maybe not. But I am experienced in some of these things that women tend to unconsciously do. Lessons are learned and wisdom is gained. So be careful.